Being the Enemy
by Efrum the Retarded Rabbit
Summary: When Hughes performs a transmutation having no idea what it will do, Ed and Mustang switch bodies. That's pretty much it. This was originally posted under Smileyfacedudet.
1. Damn It Hughes!

Hello, people! This fic was originally posted under Smileyfacedudet, which is my friend's file. I finally got my own, so once I finish loading the first four chapters, I'll delete it from the other account. This is my first FMA fic, so be nice. Also, I have only seen up to episode 26 in the show, and chapter 48 in the manga. So don't correct me about things that happened after that okay? One more thing…let's all pretend Hughes didn't die. I'm sure everyone would be happier that way anyway.

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Disclaimer: If I actually owned this, would I be writing this crappy fic?

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Being the Enemy

Chapter 1: Damn it Hughes!

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Edward Elric walked down the hallway of the Central military base, dreading what he was about to face. The blonde, miniscule teen was about to face Roy Mustang, whom he knew would chew him out yet again for his lack of progress in the search for the Philosopher's Stone. _What a joy_, Ed thought to himself. _I get to sit through another meeting with that morally bankrupt jerk as he insults my height_. As Ed walked along lost in his introspection, he bumped into non-other than Lt. Col. Maes Hughes, startling him out of thoughts. _Thank God!_ (Ironic, since he's an atheist.)

"Edward Elric. Just the man I was looking for! Guess you weren't lying about him coming to see you, eh Roy?"

Looking straight over Hughes's shoulder, Ed saw he was practically dragging Mustang. _Ah, crap_. Ed hoped his disappointment wasn't evident on his face.

"Great, you found him. Now show us what you want to show us so I can finish what I was doing." Apparently, Roy wasn't very happy either.

"What? All you were doing was paperwork," came Hughes's ever-ready response.

"Yes, unfortunately some of actually have work to do. Now just get on with it." Mustang was really pissed off at this point.

"Sure. Why didn't you just say so?" The eccentric shoulder led Ed and Roy out of the building and into the street. _Where the hell is he taking us?_ Ed thought. Hughes led them for about ten more minutes before stopping in front of a house, which Ed presumed to be his. Hughes opened a door, which revealed a room whose floor made both Ed and Mustang stand still in what was either shock or amusement, depending on the person. Ed wasn't sure which one he was.

"Hughes, what the hell is this?" Roy asked as his eyes scanned the room. There, in the middle of the floor, was a transmutation circle. Whichever of them was amused, it was because of the circle's crudeness and simplicity.

"It's a transmutation circle," Hughes said, reminding Ed that he was supposed to be confused and asking questions, not thinking quietly to himself. "I would think State Alchemists would know what one looks like, but I guess I was mistaken."

"Just what are you trying to prove?" Mustang was on the verge of burning something, Ed realized. Well, it wasn't his fault if he was miles away from this place as it burned down. He began slowly inching towards the door.

"I'm glad you asked that question, Roy. See, I'm trying to prove that all that stuff you alchemists do isn't so great. I will demonstrate this by performing my own transmutation." At this point, Ed was ready to sprint to Lior and face both the homunculi and military rather than see the result of Roy Mustang's pent up rage and frustration. With horror, Ed witnessed Mustang slip a hand into his pocket to, as far as Ed could tell, slip on his pyrotex glove.

"No reason to burn my house down, Roy. I'll just do the transmutation, and you can leave."

"Fine," Mustang agreed with obvious reluctance. _I guess he really wanted to set Hughes on fire_.

Hughes got down on his knees in front of the circle, with Ed and Mustang standing behind him. He put his hands on the floor, activating the circle and making it glow yellow. Ed was watching it all calmly, until he felt something about the equivalent of a cement block hitting him in the head, and everything went black.

Ed woke up in what he assumed was minutes. He looked around the room and, as far as he could tell, everything was when he blacked out, complete with Hughes staring at him nervously. _Wait, he's nervous?_

"Sorry about that Roy. Are you okay?" Hughes asked him.

"What did you call me? I'm not Mustang! What's gotten into you?" he said in a voice that sounded nothing like his own.

"Hughes, what the hell did you do?" came an angry voice that sounded oddly familiar.

Hughes looked at Ed, then in the direction of the voice, and said, "Uh….whoops."

Ed looked in the direction of the voice, and realized he was looking at himself.

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Yeah, I know its been done before. But I actually wrote this down on paper before I even saw a switching fic. Not to mention I've never seen a Roy and Ed one. If you're following my other two fics, _Opposites Attract _and _Anime Bloopers_, I'm working on them too, but I already have the first couple of chapters written for this one.

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Ha! Thought I was done, didn't you? Nope! Now, it's time for…..

FUNNY QUOTE OF THE DAY!

Today's quote comes from Volume 1 of the FMA manga:

"Alchemists in Fullmetal"

Ed: My name is Edward Elric. I'm the State Alchemist with the right arm and left leg made of steel!

Al: My name is Alphonse Elric. I'm the invincible alchemist whose _entire body_ is made of steel. Together, we're the Invincible Elric Brothers!

Hawkeye walks up with a giant magnet, and they both stick to it.

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Just for those of you who don't have the manga, that was the first joke comic at the end of it. By the way, I don't own that either. And if anyone out there has it, can you e-mail me the Royai 100 themes list? Or at least the link to it? I can't find it, no matter how hard I search. Anyway…

Please Review!


	2. Revenge is SweetI Think

Look everybody! An update! Sorry it took so long. I had the first five chapters written on paper, but when I read over them, it made no sense. So I had to rewrite them. Just in case that isn't bad new enough for me, I only got one review. But at least that's less I have to type…

Madamwolf: My first and only reviewer! And this isn't a remake of a story that already exists. It's a repost. Smileyfacedudet was my friend's file, and she let me put my stories on it. Now I have my own and I'm reposting my stories on this one. I'm assuming a lot of people had the same thoughts as you and think I'm ripping off Smiley…

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Disclaimer: If I owned Fullmetal Alchemist, I would lock Armstrong in a closet so we wouldn't have to look at him.

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Being the Enemy

Chapter 2: Revenge is Sweet…I Think

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When Roy woke up, the first thing he did was yell at Hughes, which brought to his attention the fact that his voice had gotten higher. He looked at his hands, and saw white gloves, but they didn't have the familiar transmutation circle that would be necessary to torch Hughes. Becoming more confused by the second, he took off his right glove, and gasped when he saw not flesh and blood, but cold, gray automail. Now he knew who his new voice belonged to.

"Hughes, what the hell was that circle supposed to do?" Roy asked as calmly as he could.

"I don't know, the book I found it in didn't say," Hughes replied while rubbing the back of his head nervously.

"You switched us!" Roy heard his own voice scream. "Turn us back now!"

"I don't know how," Hughes said, looking about to run away to avoid a long and painful death at the hands of the Fullmetal Alchemist. _Of course he doesn't know, Fullmetal. This is Hughes we're talking about,_ Roy thought, almost laughing at Ed's stupidity.

"Well Hughes, we can't just stay like this," was what he said at loud.

Hughes looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, "Sure you can! All you have to do is pretend to be each other! It's so obvious I can't believe I didn't think of it before!"

Both Roy and Ed looked at Hughes, then at each other. Roy screamed, "Hell no!" at the same time Ed said, "Okay." Roy couldn't help but stare at Ed.

"What did you just say? We can't pretend to be each other, Fullmetal," he said in disbelief. Ed just stared back, a wide smile on Roy's former face that was just plain disturbing.

After a moment of awkward silence, Ed stood up and said, "Well, I better get back to the office. I have a lot of paperwork to do." Then, he just walked out the door without so much as another word.

"That was creepy," Hughes said. Roy just nodded, his imagination's images of what that smile could mean keeping him mute with horror.

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Ed practically ran down the street to get back to the military building. Apparently, he was the only one smart enough to take advantage of this situation, taking this opportunity to finally get revenge.

Finally reaching his destination, Ed reached for the knob on the door to Mustang's office. He tried to turn it, only to discover it was locked. _Dammit. Now what?_ He slumped his shoulders in defeat only to remember something. _Wait a minute…I'm in Mustang's body!_ Rummaging through the pockets of Mustang's uniform, Ed discovered a key ring. After trying every other key, he put the last one in the lock, and it fit. _Figures,_ Ed thought. _Just my luck._ Opening the door, he immediately began searching for blackmail material. _Phase one of my evil plan begins now._

Ed opened up one of the drawers in Mustang's desk and looked through it. _Nothing. If I were Mustang, where would I hide stuff that could be used against me as blackmail?_ He searched through all the other drawers thoroughly, but to no avail. He searched the top of the desk and found nothing. He searched the entire office…nothing. It looked like Phase one wouldn't start for a long time yet.

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Yet again it's time for…

FUNNY QUOTE OF THE DAY!

Okay, today I have two quotes, both meaning more or less the same thing, and both from the same character. You'll see after you read them.

"Dogs embody loyalty! They obey their master's commands above all else! Be a jerk to them and they don't whine or complain or beg for a paycheck! Trust me Fury, they are truly the loyal servants of man. (singing) Loyal canine, how we salute thee!" – Roy Mustang, Episode 13, Fullmetal vs. Flame

"Hey guys, my ears were burning, thought I'd come check it out and entertain you with a display of my closet insanity." – Roy Mustang, from _Hagane no Renkinjutsushi: Summarized_, Chapter 13, Honou vs. Hagane (Flame vs. Fullmetal –sound familiar?)

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In case you didn't get it, _Hagane no Renkinjutsushi: Summarized_ is a fanfic that basically makes fun of Fullmetal Alchemist. The second quote was a summarized version of what Roy said about dogs. It's on mediaminer, and I think it's hilarious. But don't read it if you're offended by RoyEd or Elricest. Also, that request for the Royai 100 themes still stands. I can't find it anywhere! Where the heck is it? Anyway…

Please Review!


	3. Satin in a Coffin

Well, it's been quite some time…. You guys all know what the phrase "few and far between" means right? That's pretty much how all my updates for all my fics will be. Blame my teachers, not me. They loaded me with homework over the summer, and haven't let up since. Oh well. I'm going to answer reviews from both accounts since I got some reviews on both:

Flower Kid: They might sound familiar because I'm currently uploading my fics from my friend's account to mine, because I just got one over the summer.

Disco-Dancing on the Roof: It's coming, be patient. Or go after my teachers so they can't give me any more work. Either one.

Funerea Von Heinch the Goddess of SKOL: Umm…it would help if I knew if that was a compliment or sarcasm…

Dadaiiro: I'm not even sure how they switch back. Guess it would kind of help if I did know…

Kentuky Fly Chik, smeg1, madamwolf: You all said about the same thing, so I'll save time and answer all three at once. Thanks!

This one loaded pretty bad on the other account, and it's a really crappy, confusing, unfunny chapter. Be warned.

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Disclaimer: I haven't quite yet figured out how to break into Hiromu Arakawa's house to steal the rights to FMA, so I still don't own it. I also don't own Satin in a Coffin (it's the song I used for this chapter, because I thought it kind of fit). The rights to that belong to Modest Mouse. That was a long disclaimer wasn't it?

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Being the Enemy

Chapter 3: Satin in a Coffin

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You were laying on the carpet Like you're satin in a coffin.

_You said, "Do you believe what you're saying?"_

_Yeah, right now, but not that often. _(A/N: That was the first verse of the song if you couldn't tell.)

A person who, on the outside, appeared to be Edward Elric, strode down the hall to what used to be his office angrily. Roy Mustang was pissed off. After returning to his office, which he thought was locked, he had discovered it open, with papers scattered across the room. Since there was only one person who had a key to that room…it didn't take a genius to figure that one out.

Are you dead or are you sleepin'?

_Are you dead or are you sleepin'?_

_Are you dead or are you sleepin'?_

_God, I sure hope you are dead._

He was going to kill Ed. _That little usurper is going to pay,_ he thought. Roy walked to his former office and opened the door. He was then greeted by the sight of himself.

"Hi, Shorty!" Ed screamed. _Moron. Does he even realize what he's saying? _Taking it upon himself to tell Ed exactly _what_ he was saying, Roy said, "You do realize you're insulting yourself?" Ed's previous laughter was cut off. _Mustang one, Elric zero, _Roy laughed to himself.

_Well, you disappeared so often,_

_Like you dissolved into coffee._

_Are you here right now _

Or are there probably fossils under your meat?

"Well, I still have the advantage," Ed said. He held up a small black book. "Your list of 'girlfriends' and their phone numbers, I believe." _Damn._

_Are you dead or are you sleepin'? _

_Are you dead or are you sleepin'?_

_Are you dead or are you sleepin'?_

_God, I sure hope you are dead. _

"How about I call all these girls and let them know about all these other girls?" The laughter started again. He jumped from his position at the door toward Ed, with the attempt of grabbing the book, but unfortunately, due to his newfound height and shorter legs, he fell well short of his mark.

_Now the blow's been softened,_

_Since the air we breathe's our coffin._

_Well, now the blow's been softened,_

_Since the ocean is our coffin._

_Often time you our laughter_

_Is your coffin ever after._

As Ed's laughter continued, the door opened. (A/N: Dun, dun, dun!) Lt. Hawkeye walked in, followed by Havoc and Falman. Roy and Ed froze as the three newcomers stared at them.

_And you know the blow's been softened,_

_Since the world is our coffin._

_And now the blow's been softened,_

_Since we are our own damn coffins._

_Well, everybody's talkin' 'bout their short lists._

_Yeah, everybody's talking 'bout death._

"Do I even want to know?" Hawkeye asked. Roy suddenly realized what he and Ed must look like. He had landed on his hands and knees in front of Ed, as Ed held a book over his head. Given the fact that Ed had been laughing manically when they walked in, it was a very strange scene.

_You were laying on the carpet Like you're satin in a coffin. _

_You said, "Do you believe what you're saying?"_

_Yeah, right now, but not that often._

Havoc in particular must have found this scene amusing, because he burst out laughing. _How does he keep that cigarette in his mouth? _Roy found himself wondering. "Geez, I didn't know you thought so highly of Mustang, Fullmetal!" he said, still laughing, the cigarette still in his mouth.

_Are you dead or are you sleepin'? _

_Are you dead or are you sleepin'?_

_Are you dead or are you sleepin'?_

_God, I sure hope you are dead. _

He was going to kill Edward Elric.

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Yet again…

FUNNY QUOTE OF THE DAY!

Okay, this quote isn't from FMA at all. It's from a Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic that I'm pretty sure got deleted. Good thing I printed it out before that happened!

"Let me go, you illegitimate spawn of Bob Dole and the Pillsbury Doughboy!" – Hiei, _The Cast of Yu Yu Hakusho Presents: A Christmas Carol_

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Hiei was talking to Kuwabara, because if you don't know that, it isn't as funny. That whole fic was funny. Which is probably because I hate that book. Before I offend people who like it, I only hate it because my LA teacher has a Charles Dickens fetish, and I had to do a ten page report about it. Anyway, I didn't like this chapter. I thought it was dumb. I just like the song. For any of you still reading this, does anyone out there know which website the Royai 100 themes list is on? I can't find it.

Please Review!


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